A few salient points. I wouldn't address this post, except for the title, which I feel is sort of invitation.

First of all: I will no longer be allowing Toxis into my groups. I don't play well with certain people, and have no interest in doing so. I have no intention of causing problems in groups led by other people; this is strictly my-group/my-policy. Toxis is certainly welcome to apply the same standard to me. This may change later, but for right now, I'm done with Toxis leaving group after group after group because someone hurt his feelings and/or expecting that groups exist for the sole purpose of xping/gearing his endless newbies. His behavior, in my opinion, has been disruptive to the groups I've led. Just ask the people in my group tonight!
Second of all: the gem pop rate being deficient was noticed and adjusted. Thanks, Imms!
Now, for those of you wondering, here's the sequence of events that led to the original post:
(1) I was leading SS XP, with a relatively small group (hitting Theris/Sin's/Ogres/small-UD2.
(2) A random gem popped.
(3) I spun the wheel.
(4) A level 15 necro won.
(5) I said, and man I wish I'd logged this (those who did feel free to jump in): "Van -- I really am not comfortable giving a gem to a newbie, given how in demand they are".
(6) Said newbie (Sira, again, level 15 necro) throws a GIGANTIC fit and left group.
(7) Group completely halts xp activity to discuss (very publicly) the above problems.
(8) Sira logs off.
(7) To nobody's great surprise, Toxis logs on and proceeds to burn up gossip.
Now, as I see it, there are two primary issues to address here:
(1) I'm an ass.
(2) Edit: No issue here, see the thread where Splork responded. Regarded what I thought was a problem with the gem system that turned out not to be the case.
ISSUE 1: I'm an ass.
Yes. Yes I am. Yes. And I am. Did you know that I'm an ass?
More specifically: Most people who've played with me in S3/S4 know that I'm a fairly nice person with a low tolerance for bullshit. Yes, I get irritated easily. Yes, I can be somewhat of a jerk at times. However, I think I go out of my way to be accessible to newbies and offer them assistance when I can. I think I also do my best to help more mature players (in the sense of levels and experience) cycle items in eq groups. If I'm wrong, people can
constructively criticize me here, and I'll take the feedback humbly and try to adjust my behavior.
While I'm on the topic, here are the basic loot rules you can expect if you join a group run by me. In fact, due to the nature of this incident, I'm posting the precise text of my FOR THE RECORD alias here.
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FOR THE RECORD: Here are my loot rules. Ask if you have questions/concerns!
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(1) Calling something in an explicitly labeled xp group doesn't mean I'll hit it.
(2) Gems are strictly randomed, unless the gem is explicitly called by a player. Only the FIRST gem called in a player's gjob will be treated this way.
(3) In any group, you may call only one (1) piece of equipment and only one (1) gem.
(4) 2.calls are ignored in favor of 1.calls.
(5) Newbies (Level 20 and below) will be given any random pops they can use, but will not be eligible for gems or higher level equipment. Exceptions can be made on a case-by-case basis, but must be cleared by me in advance.
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Note: If I'm running an eq group and your mob has been down too long, TELL ME. My pinger is buggy and I'm inattentive sometimes.
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I welcome comments in this thread about what may be unfair in this, and if I'm ignoring some basic protocol/etiquette issues, please comment after reading the next part of this post.
I particularly welcome comments about #5, because this is primarily driven by players with multiple characters joining groups 'incognito' and aiming for higher level equipment. Notice that the bar is set very low! If you're leaving VK, kudos and call all the eq you want. If you're not there yet, please recognize that higher level players are definitely contributing to the group at a higher level; you'll get there soon enough!
If you don't like these rules (subject to revision after comment): don't join my groups. Simple problem, simple solution.
(Note: I've had a mutual understanding with Dsfren, due to his enormous help to me in my start up in S4, that he could call 1.gem in my groups, also known as the first uncalled gem that popped. In accordance with my newly formulated rules, I will no longer be doing that. Sorry Simon!)
[Edit: Issue #2 belongs in another thread, which I am writing at the time of posting.]