get thee to a punnery

[Enea2]

A group of friars from the monastery opened a florist shop to raise funds. A rival florist saw his business drop significantly. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh O'Reilly, the toughest thug in town to convince the friars to close down. Hugh beat up the friars and ruined their flowers, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, proving that 'only Hugh can prevent florist friars'.


An Indian chief had three wives, all of which gave birth. The first had a boy and the chief built her a teepee of deer hide. The second also had a boy and the chief built her a teepee of antelope hide. When the third gave birth, the chief built her a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully.
Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys. 'Correct,' said the chief. 'How did you figure it out?'
The warrior answered, 'It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.'


One doctor always stopped at a local bar after work for a hazelnut daiquiri - a special drink the bartender created just for him. One day, the bartender ran out of hazelnut flavor so he substituted hickory nuts instead.
The doctor took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, 'This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!'
'No, I'm sorry', replied the bartender, 'it's a hickory daiquiri, doc.'

[Qa]

Enea, we must truly have similar funny bones. Those were great.

I had heard the first one (a while back), but not the other two.

Thank you!

"the squaw of the hippopotamus" LOL!!!

Qa

[*juggleblood*]

More classics for Enea,

Two vultures were about to board an airplane. They were each carrying two dead raccoons, one under each arm. But before they could board, they were stopped by a crew attendant, who told them, "Sorry, only one carrion per passenger."


It is a well known fact that one of the signs of malnourishment is severe bad breath. This is because the body runs out of fat and is forced to burn the protein in the body's muscle cells. The byproducts of the metabolism of human muscle are present in the salivia. Mahatma Ghandi, who was known for going on long hunger strikes, suffered from this condition. He was in fact referred to by some of his followers as a "super fragile mystic
vexed by halitosis."

Mary Poppins was in town for a nanny convention, but the Hilton had overbooked and she was forced to stay in a budget hotel. The hotel did their best to provide top notch service to their famous guest. The next morning when she came down for breakfast she was surprised to see a full spread breakfast instead of the usual self service breakfast cereal. And to top it off, they had made her favorite dish, cheese and broccoli cassarole! As she was leaving, the concierge pleaded with her to fill out a card asking about the service in the hotel. She gave them good marks overall and made a note at the bottom: Super cauliflower cheese, but the eggs were quite atrocious.

[jezer]

Due to bland width limitations, I regret to inform everyone that this post will now have to be closed.

Failure to comply with this demand will see you striped naked, webbed and silenced - while weasel looks at you strangly, guniex lites up, autolycos tell you to stfu, krok taughts you about your poor botting scripts and Brad logs on all of his characters to laugh at you. (time permitting)

This has been an announcement in the interest of public sanity

[*juggleblood*]

You know what the fish said as he swam head first into a concrete wall?

Dam.

[Autolycos]

[quote="jezer":2cgyzn9j]Failure to comply with this demand will see you striped naked, webbed and silenced - while weasel looks at you strangly, guniex lites up, autolycos tell you to stfu, krok taughts you about your poor botting scripts and Brad logs on all of his characters to laugh at you. (time permitting)[/quote:2cgyzn9j]

it warms my hateful old heart to know that someone actually pays attention

bravo!

[Zing]

Watch out, incoming!

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

Not one Pun in ten did.

[*juggleblood*]

I was having dinner at a small Japanese restaurant last night.
The owner walked up to me while I was eating and asked how
I liked the food. I told him the chicken was rubbery. He bowed
deeply and said, "Sank you very much."

[Akasha]

[quote="juggleblood":2t616pf2]You know what the fish said as he swam head first into a concrete wall?

Dam. [/quote:2t616pf2]

Loved this one.

[Diazz]

[url:1sibjbjh]http://www-personal.umich.edu/~afive/stuff/Ultimate%20Showdown%20of%20Ultimate%20Destiny.swf[/url:1sibjbjh]

[Pisces]

That was effin awesome!

[Nishiki]

A man wnet to see his doctor because he suffered from chronic impotence. After listening to the man's story, the doctor told him about a new alternative procedure that would help him, the only catch was that it would only work once.

The man agreed to the opperation, and afteward the doctor told the man, "All you have to do is say 'One two three', then you'll have an erection, to lose it you must say 'One two three four'."

The man thanked his doctor profusely and rushed home, stripped, and called his wife into the bedroom. After she joined him, he said, "One two three", and he got an erection. "Look honey," he cried, "isn't it great?"

"Yes, dear", she replied, "but what did you say 'One two three' for?"

[banedon]

Now you've gone and done it.

--- Banedon enters carrying a stool and bucket and leading a heifer ---

"If this incessant punnery does not stop, I shall be forced to invoke the most heinous and torturous PUNishment available to mortals."

--- Banedon sits on the stool and places the bucket under the heifer. ---

"I shall force you to endure the milking of the Cow Jokes. They are udderly bad, but I will use them if everyone does not moove on to a new subject, and I shall kick the calves of anyone attempting to Pun again."

Thank You and Good Day.


I said GOOD DAY!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember, that which does not kill you makes you crazier.

[Autolycos]

oh krap.....

Banedon is Fez..


Someone quick!
Kill him till he dies from it!

[Diazz]

[quote:3e5h3tyj]"I shall force you to endure the milking of the Cow Jokes. They are udderly bad,..."[/quote:3e5h3tyj]

Ok you asked for it...

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