post a random joke

[firebrand]

LOVE IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Leaf and Autolycos were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Leaf suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Autolycos promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled Leaf out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Autolycos's heroic act, she immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered him to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Autolycos the news she said, "Autolycos, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound judgement and that you have a sound mind. The bad news is, Leaf, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Autolycos replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?



"i'm sorry! did i break your concentration?" --jules --> pulp fiction

[Autolycos]

that is pretty damn funny..

but everyone knows i would never have saved him in the first place.

[Leaf]

I may not mud anymore, but still great to know Reb and Jason remembers
me

Plus Jason is too weak to rescue anyone. He would drown in a 2 inch pool.

[firebrand]

no but the hanging him out to dry is completely believable about you hehehe

"bark bark bark woof woof" --tiger --> fievel goes west

[Autolycos]

[quote="Leaf":2u34zuo2] Plus Jason is too weak to rescue anyone. He would drown in a 2 inch pool.[/quote:2u34zuo2]


you keep on believing that Susie.

[firebrand]

THE CREATION OF A VAGINA
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine
Created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher, smart with wit,
Using a knife, he gave it a slit.
Second was a carpenter, strong and bold,
With a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole.
Third was a tailor, tall and thin,
By using red velvet, he lined it within.
Fourth was a hunter, short and stout,
With a piece of fox fur, he lined it without.
Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell,
He threw in a fish and gave it a smell.
Sixth was a preacher whose name was McGee,
He touched it and blessed it and said it could pee.
Last came a sailor, a dirty little runt,
He sucked it and **** it and called it a cunt


"why couldn't you just put the bunny back in the box?"--poe --> con air

[firebrand]

It was entertainment day at the Senior Center and the amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.

As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat pocket. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting. "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"SHIT", said the hypnotist.


It took three days to clean up the Senior Center.


"there's a monster outside my door. can i have some water? --bo -->signs

[13]

2 Pirates walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

[13]

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you"

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me.

When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.

I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:

#1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says,

"Yes, I'm single and Catholic!

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess,

I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

[firebrand]

nun halloween costume: $50
cab fare to the party: $25
getting kissed by a gay man in your cab wearing a nun costume: priceless



rebs

"well color me happy there's a sofa in here for two!" --vivian -->pretty woman

[Popa]

Jesus was in a restaraunt sitting at a booth eating.
A guy walked in who has a real arthritic leg and has trouble walking.
he sees Jesus and asks the waitress if that's him. She says "yes" and he asks her to send Jesus a lemonade and give the guy with the bad leg the bill.

A second guy walks in, but this one has a pulled muscle in his back, and sees Jesus and does the same thing orderes a soda for him and has the tab put on his bill.

a third guy in a wheelchair rolls into the restaraunt seeing Jesus asks the waitress to confim its him. then instructs her to order Jesus a drink puting the tab on the wheel chair guy's bill.

After Jesus is done eating he has to walk past the 3 men to exit.
Stopping at the first one thanking him for the drink and offering to heal his leg. So he does , the guy jumps up and down on his newly healed leg and is very happy.
Then he stops at the second guys table who had the bad back. Thanks the gentlmen for the soda and offers to heal his back. The man agrees and is soon not bothered buy his back any more.

walking up to the 3rd guy. Jesus offers to heal him from the wheel chair, and guy says "heck no, I didnt want anything in return, besides if you heal me I won't be able to collect disablity and i'll have to return to work"

[Mosaix]

I guess that joke could be funny if you obsess about religion 24/7

Unhealthy, get out there and travel to another country or something. There is more out there than bible study.
When your posting Jesus jokes to a slothmud crier its time for help and intervention.

Mosaix

[firebrand]

hey mosaix chill and leave steve alone. he's posting a joke, so let him.....besides, here's another one:

jesus walks into an inn, hands the innkeeper three nails and says "can you put me up for the night?"

"i'm jay and this is my hetero lifemate silent bob" --jay --> jay and silent bob strike back

[tincts]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFwvs8eYt6E
Also, Mosaix gotta chill, man

[Medios]

Damn Broc whats up. Did you get handled by a priest as a young boy?


A priest is in confession and badly needs to use the bathroom. He asks an altar boy to take his place for a few minutes. He tells the boy to offer forgiveness and ask for penance.

A woman enters the confessional and quickly tells the boy she has sinned.
"I gave a blowjob last night" she says. The altar boy confused pokes his head out and asks his friend. "What does the priest give for a blowjob?"
"Well he usually gives me a coke and a snickers" the other boy replies.

Mike