Top Ten Thread

[*juggleblood*]

[quote="Thraxas":1ox7ic18]

1. Hold it upside-down in the middle of a flat field during a thunderstorm, wait for lightning, and then watch it glow![/quote:1ox7ic18]

this really works?

[jezer]

[quote="juggleblood":38d6die0][quote="Thraxas":38d6die0]

1. Hold it upside-down in the middle of a flat field during a thunderstorm, wait for lightning, and then watch it glow![/quote:38d6die0]

this really works?[/quote:38d6die0]

What Thraxas said may be a joke, but holding fluorescents up by power lines makes them glow...

[Rynquald]

If you did the lightbulb/lightning thing, I'm sure you'd have the impression that something had been glowing afterwards

And yay for induction.

[Medios]

Top ten reasons to play SlothmudIII

10 Meet Russian hotties
9 Listen to funny penis jokes from Aaron
8 Chuckle about constant whining from overpower nerfs
7 Make fun of Nia
6 Playing a warrior so you can shock people
5 Playing a klurik so you can shock more than a warrior
4 Read crier for child porn pics
3 Pkilling is not allowed (unless you have firestorm,blizzard, or shapeshift)
2 You want to meet some losers from Indiana that live in a garage.
1 You don't have a job.

Only problem is that I have a job.

[Thraxas]

Top Ten Bushisms - you can't make this stuff up!


10) "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." —LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

9) "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." —Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000

"I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." —second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

7) "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

6) "You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." —to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb.4, 2005

5) "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

4) "They misunderestimated me." —Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

3) "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" —Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

2) "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

1) "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

[Weasel]

hehehee

[*juggleblood*]

Top Ten Dumbest American Congressmen
10. Senator Jim Bunning (R-KY)

Among his antics that year: Telling a group of GOP fundraisers that his Italian-American opponent, Daniel Mongiardo, physically resembled Saddam Hussein's sons, Uday and Qusay; referring on the stump to the tragic terror attacks of November 11, 2001; and adding a federal security detail to his campaign in the firm conviction that members of Al Qaeda—the masterminds of November 11—had targeted him for elimination. ("There may be strangers among us," he darkly informed a Paducah TV crew.)

9. Representative Patrick Kennedy (D-RI)

Plowed his car into a barrier while under the spell of an Ambien-fueled hallucination. He then attempted to convince Capitol police he was late for a floor vote at 3 o'clock in the morning. When the story broke, Kennedy played the recovery card, announcing that he suffered from depression and addiction—to sleep aids and painkillers—and would seek treatment at the Mayo Clinic. [u:35rbted9][b:35rbted9]Twenty-four hours later [/b:35rbted9][/u:35rbted9]the man who had barreled down D.C.'s power boulevards in a runaway Mustang convertible (with the lights off) presented himself as a role model: "I hope my openness today and in the past, and my acknowledgment that I need help, will give others the courage to get help, if they need it."

8. Senator Conrad Burns (R-MT)

Be wary of "faceless" Arabs who "drive taxicabs by day and kill at night." But this minor bit of sociological skylarking actually represents progress, of sorts, considering his 1999 outburst blaming "ragheads" for rising gas prices and additional episodes in 1994 in which he delivered a casual joke from the podium about "niggers" and told another audience that living in Washington with so many blacks "is quite a challenge."

7. Representative Cynthia McKinney (D-GA)

First there was her notorious encounter with a Capitol Hill police officer who dared to ask her for ID. After brazenly ignoring several polite requests, the caterwauling congresswoman responded by walloping the officer in the chest. During the ensuing fracas she complained that she was persecuted for "being in Congress while black." But what really cemented her position at No. 7 was her frivolous threat to sue the Atlanta Journal-Constitution for defamation over an editorial that decried her light record of legislative achievement. "She doesn't have the power or prestige to pass a resolution in favor of sweetened iced tea," the paper opined. McKinney fought back by proudly producing a survey that ranked her as the 277th most effective legislator in the House. In fact the survey, by congress.org, placed her at 408.
The embarrassing incident didn't end her absurd fatwa against the paper. When the Journal-Constitution published a poll showing her opponent in this year's primary with a commanding lead, McKinney went ballistic again. "We have notified them of their libelist [sic] writing," she said, darkly. A few days later she lost by 20 points. Now she's preparing another lawsuit charging that Johnson's runaway victory was the result of compromised voting machines.

Among the many constituencies that will welcome McKinney's departure are Atlanta's Jews: Her fractious relationship with the community dates back to 1992, when her father denounced her then opponent as a "racist Jew." Two years later, she refused to denounce the anti-Semitic rantings of a Farrakhan aide, and, in 2001, one of her own aides was forced to resign after calling congress an "Israel-occupied territory." When Rudy Giuliani returned a $10 million 9/11 donation from Saudi Prince Al-Waweed bin Talal, who blamed the attack on the U.S. relationship with Israel, McKinney took it upon herself to write a letter of apology to the prince. And at her concession speech in August, when a staffer was inadvertently struck by a microphone, McKinney supporters not only beat up the reporters on hand, they hurled gems like: "You know what led to this loss? Israel ... Zionists! Put your yarmulke on your head and celebrate." Oy.

6. Representative Jean Schmidt (R-OH)

"Mean" Jean Schmidt blazed her way into congressional history last year by using her first-ever floor speech to paint Rep. John Murtha, a decorated Marine Corps vet, as a coward, provoking a chorus of jeers and calls for her expulsion (for violating a longstanding rule against personal attacks from the floor.) Adding insult to injury, the Marine to whom she'd attributed the statement denied ever making it. Eventually, the red-faced rep was forced to apologize and begged for her witless remarks to be stricken from the Congressional Record.

Meanwhile, here's a taste of how she characterizes the mindset of Iraqi civilians. "The Iraqi's perception is that we're all powerful," Schmidt wrote in a recent newsletter, offering her thumbnail portrait of the noble savages. "We watch them from space with technology they cannot even imagine.... They know we can do anything." If only.

5. Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA)

Boxer is a limousine liberal running a few gallons short of a full tank. After convening a Democratic press event at a gas station to publicize high oil prices and accuse Bush and Cheney of being too cozy with the oil industry, California's junior senator "hopped into a waiting Chrysler (18 MPG)," noted the Washington Post, "even though her Senate office was only a block away."
Then there are Bab's manglings of diction and logic, such as this chestnut: "Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, 'Thank God I'm still alive.' But of course those who died, their lives will never be the same again." Boxer's most egregious crimes against language are on florid display in her self-infatuated novel A Time to Run, which features a California senator embarking on a bold, maverick crusade to protect children from violence. One passage describes "a magical time when the three of them caught the rainbow, found the pot of gold beneath it, and managed to forget how easily and swiftly that fairy gold could slip away." And then there's the ghastly way Boxer envisions a lustful courtship: "Her skirt was very short, and Josh found himself mesmerized by her perfectly shaped, silken legs [i:35rbted9]with kneecaps that reminded him of golden apples[/i:35rbted9]—he couldn't remember having been captivated by kneecaps before—and her lustrous thighs."

4. Representative J.D. Hayworth (R-AZ)

After a long tour as a Sunbelt TV sportscaster, Hayworth rode the 1994 Republican revolution into office, where he started things off by telling a group of environmental activists that untrammeled logging was a conservation measure because forests are a fire hazard. He distributed leaflets on the House floor accusing Maryland Democrat Steny Hoyer of promoting "sex training for federal employees," planning to indoctrinate them into drug use, and pushing New Age cult worship, all because of a proposal to extend health coverage for abortions under dire circumstances. And the amendment Hayworth was protesting so absurdly wasn't Hoyer's at all—it was actually the work of Hayworth's fellow Republican, Rep. Ron Packard of California.
Over the years, he racked up more than $150,000 from Jack Abramoff's clients, $64,520 in the last election cycle alone, second in the House only to Majority Leader Dennis Hastert. Alone among Congress members, though, Hayworth has refused to return any of the tainted funds, offering only this rationale: the donors don't want the money back.

3. Senator James Inhofe (R-OK)

Inhofe is best known for his categorical claim that global warming is "the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people"—a rhetorical flourish he recently refined by likening climate change theories to Nazi propaganda. And here's the scary part: Those are the sentiments of our chairman of the Environment and Public Works Committee. It's a bit like making Lyndon LaRouche the American Ambassador to England.
But that's not the half of it. As far back as 1972, he called for Democratic presidential nominee George McGovern to be "hanged with Jane Fonda" for referring to alleged atrocities committed by American troops in Vietnam. In 2001, he took to the Senate floor to announce that Israel was justified in whatever treatment it handed out to Palestinians because, after all, God had promised the Jews the land they occupied. For good measure, he also called Palestinian terror bombers practitioners of "satanic evil," and intimated to the New Republic that both Bill and Hillary Clinton were out to assassinate him.

And then there was the recent debate over the latest constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, when Inhofe assured Senate colleagues of his own virility and that of his manly forbearers. "My wife and I have been married 47 years. We have 20 kids and grandkids. I'm really proud to say that in the recorded history of our family, we've never had a divorce or a homosexual relationship." It's the same flawless gene pool that produced a man who thinks our situation in Iraq is "nothing short of a miracle."

2. Representative Donald Young (R-AK)

The scene: Fairbanks, Alaska, 1994. Congressman Don Young, already in office for 20 years, is on the stump preaching the virtues of Newt Gingrich's Republican revolution to a group of high school students. Just look at all the wasteful things the federal government does with taxpayers' money, he tells them. The National Endowment for the Arts, for example, funds art involving "people doing offensive things ... things that are absolutely ridiculous." One student asks, "Like what?"
"Buttf***ing," replies the great scourge of obscenity and instructor of youth.

Young's performance remains a classic in the annals of congressional idiocy, offering that rare, supremely unselfconscious moment in which one of our nation's legislative solons lets his addled mind graze freely. But the real irony of this legendary gaffe is that the congressman lecturing on government waste was the very same man who, years later, would be responsible for Alaska's fabled "Bridge to Nowhere," a $233 million project constructed entirely of pork. And it's the same man who, when asked about his state's outrageous $941 million transportation bill, boasted "I stuffed it like a turkey," before adding that detractors of the bridge—equal in length to the Golden Gate but connecting to a town with a population of 50—could "kiss my ear."

1. Representative Katherine Harris (R-FL)

If dumb Congress members were the X-Men, Harris would be their Wolverine—a mutant possessing fearsome skills, the product of a demented government experiment gone horribly wrong. Back in 2000, the then-Florida secretary of state thrust herself into the national spotlight by peremptorily calling the state for George W. Bush. Of course, the longtime crony of Bush's brother Jeb was also Florida's GOP campaign chair.

Florida Republicans responded with sound skepticism when Harris put herself forward to face off against Democratic Senate incumbent Bill Nelson in 2006. But Harris was undaunted, allegedly telling campaign consultant Ed Rollins that God had asked her to run for Senate.

Nevertheless, the Supreme Being seems to have other plans for Florida Republicans—and especially for Harris's campaign team. Team Harris has hemorrhaged more than 25 senior staff and consultants, Rollins among them, over the past year. They rush for the exits every time there's a fresh report on Harris's shady dealing: her $2,800 dinner with MZM defense contractor Mitchell Wade, who reportedly vowed to kick in $200,000 for a Harris fundraiser; her withdrawal of $100,000 from her campaign coffers to pay for repairs to her house; news that the FBI is collecting her campaign e-mails for review; and her decision to conceal from her lead staffer a federal subpoena concerning the abuses.

Mainly, though, there's her Stalin-esque management style, which includes attacking staffers for such trespasses as procuring the wrong kind of candy, or for screwing up her Starbuck's order (extra-hot low-foam nonfat venti triple lattes with one packet of Sweet-n-Low). It's the sort of unhinged megalomania that makes us giddy. At one point, Harris's battered staffers tested her by submitting a two-month old speech she had written herself: She pronounced it "terrible." Unfortunately, early polls suggest our No. 1 pick won't be around to entertain us much longer. Enjoy her while you can.

[Thraxas]

Not a top ten but i like it .. .enjoy

Top New Words / Phrases in 2007:

1 SALAD DODGER.
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

2 SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive person.

3 TESTICULATING.
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

4 BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

5 SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and Then
leaves.

6 ASSMOSIS.
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by
sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

7 SALMON DAY.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

8 CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.

9 PRAIRIE DOGGING.
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

10 SITCOMs.
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a 'home business'.

11 SINBAD.
Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

12 AEROPLANE BLONDE.
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

13 PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

14 ADMINISPHERE.
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file.
Decisions that fall from the 'adminisphere' are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
This is often affiliated with the dreaded 'administrivia' - needless paperwork and processes.

15 404.
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message '404 Not Found' meaning that the requested document could not be located.

16 AUSSIE KISS.
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

17 OH - NO SECOND.
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').

18 GREYHOUND.
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

19 JOHNNY-NO-STARS.
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

20 MILLENNIUM DOMES.
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually nowt in there worth seeing.

21 MONKEY BATH
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: 'Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa!
Aa!
Aa!'.

22 MYSTERY BUS.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

23 MYSTERY TAXI.
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

24 BEER COAT.
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise At 3:00am

25 BEER COMPASS.
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.

26 BREAKING THE SEAL.
Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

27 TART FUEL.
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

28 TRAMP STAMP
Tattoo on a female

29 PICASSO BUM.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks

[Alberich]

[quote="Thraxas":3eyznjjr]
7) "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000
[/quote:3eyznjjr]

[img:3eyznjjr]http://img301.imageshack.us/img301/893/coexistbf1.jpg[/img:3eyznjjr]