I was bored... sue me.
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Hiyo! Me Grog. Slother. Me play Sloth and learn Sloth ways. Grog head hurt from all stuff in head, so Grog got sharp pointy thing to put stuff in head on this bronto… thing. Get stuff out of head and make more room for ale. Grog like ale in head.
First, must choose job. Grog like smash, be warrior or monk. Both is good. Grog like both. Grog like use fist to smash, but fist not good for writing. Grog no like hurt. Cleric is good. All new Grog friends should be cleric until they smart like Grog. Rest up to Grog friend. Grog friend like what you like. Grog like smash. Grog hometown Valkyre. Valkyre much gooder place to live than other place. Other place dangerous and not as good for little Grog friend.
Grog welcome Grog friend to Valk. Grog friend need stuff make stuff dead. Grog friend need skills! First Grog friend should look in stuff and find map. Next, find guild. Go to guild. If warrior/thief guild, books on ground at guildmaster. Guildmaster is good. Guildmaster smash much gooder than Grog. If other guild, must find room with books. Read books! Grog scratch head long time before figure out ‘read spellbook’. After you read spellbook, must read again! All stuff not go in skull first time. Keep read until all stuff in skull. After read first book, read next book, use ‘read 2.spellbook’. Reading new spellbook like reading old spellbook… keep reading. Use ‘practice’ to see how much you have in skull. When Grog friend have all stuff in skull, friend ready to face scary world. Friend use map and go back to South Gate, or find guildmaster and say ‘recall’ to have mighty guildmaster take you to gate.
Next friend go ‘up’ and ‘enter portal’ to find school. School boring but good for skull. Lots of read. Read primer too. Primer put Grog to sleep… can’t read primer. Important to skim primer. Sloth no like other MUD. Find stuff friend not know and put in skull.
If friend use magic, friend hate typing all strangeness in battle. ‘cast ‘magic missile’’ take too long… Grog get smashed. Use alias. ‘alias mm cast ‘magic missile’’ much gooder. ‘mm’ much gooder type than ‘cast ‘malejrw….’
Grog friend must smash now. Find small fuzzy to smash. Rat good. Use ‘con rat’ make sure small fuzzy not give Grog friend bad day. Kill small fuzzy. After small fuzzy die, Grog friend do victory stomp. *STOMP STOMP*. Yay Grog friend. Now put dead small fuzzy good use. First, make dead small fuzzy lighter. Use ‘carve corpse’ to carve off slices. If hungry, slices not bad food. Don’t eat old slices… only fresh slices. Slices go icky and give Grog friend bad day. Now pick up mangled dead small fuzzy and take to spirit of Splork. Spirit good, but very strange. Spirit likes burned mangled dead small fuzzy things. Drop mangled dead small fuzzy on floor and sacrifice to spirit. Use ‘sacrifice corpse’. Splork look after Grog friend now. Spirit greedy though. Wants many dead small fuzzies. Make new alias ‘alias sac sac corpse’. Use alias after kill small fuzzies all time now. Can look at tablet and see how many dead small fuzzies Splork hording from each Slother. High on list get special Splork stuff. Splork stuff good. Type ‘list’ to see Splork stuff Grog friend can get. Try pray Splork stuff. Use ‘pray sword’. If Splork bogart sword, try dagger. If no share dagger, keep try other pretty things on list.
After feed Splork ego, keep fill skull with school stuff. Smash small fuzzies too. Careful small fuzzies not smash Grog friend. Find mean nasties at end of school. Killing mean nasties good. Grog’s friend get lots of xp stuff smashing. When Grog friend hurt, need stop and get more better. Good way to get more gooder is to rest. Type ‘rest’. Sleep is bestest gooder, use ‘sleep’. Sleep not always good, some small fuzzies smash Grog friend when sleep. Grog friend be careful. Most places on Valk safe sleep. Yay!
Friend need gold. Gold hard. Find girl in park. Use map. Girl buy pets, but not like dead pets like Splork. To no kill pets, must type ‘autokill off’ to make sure you only smash pets to almost dead. Then friend find pet girl want. Beat up small fuzzy so nice and tender for new owner. When small fuzzy stop smashing back, use ‘subdue’ to make into small bloody bundle of fuzzy happiness. Much gooder. Small fuzzy very heavy. Need make room to pick up small fuzzy. Drop some silly cup and munch on iron rations. Take small fuzzy to girl and sell for shiny gold.
Shiny gold needed for much stuff. Need shiny gold to buy a bag to put food in to make more room hold stuff. Need shiny gold to buy a canteen so no need silly cups. Need shiny gold to buy food. Gold good to buy potions. Red potions make skin thicker so smashing not so painful. Orange potions make Grog friend stronger so can carry more stuff. Gold needed to buy armor from armor shop guy and weapons from weapon shop guy. Grog friend also need gold to buy books from libr…air…ee… book guy when get more bigger.
Oh… and Grog almost not remember mostest important part. Grog friend need gold to make more leveling! Need more leveling to read more book thingies.. smash gooder.
Grog friend more smarter now. Grog head no hurt as bad. Grog drink ale and get more tingly now. Bye bye Grog friend!